From the Diary of Remus Lupin
by Nixxx852
Summary: Remus Lupin: Shy guy who never put a toe out of line. Sirius Black: Attention loving trouble maker. How was it that these two very different people turn out to be the perfect match for each other?
1. Chapter 1

**September 01**

I was sitting all by myself in a train compartment on my way to my seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I can hear the people in the next compartment talking and laughing and just having a great time. I wish I could join them.

You might be wondering why I'm sitting here all alone writing in a bloody diary while everyone else around me is catching up with all their friends and just having a good time. Well, the answer is simple: I don't really have any friends.

My name is Remus J. Lupin. I'm seventeen years old and Hogwarts' biggest loser. After six years in that school, I only have one friend, Lily Evans. Well, I actually had another friend, Severus Snape. But he had a little incident last year and now he hates me. Lily became Head Girl this year, and that's why I'm all by myself. She had to meet with the Head Boy before we got to school.

I heard more laughter coming from the next compartment and felt a pang of jealousy and loneliness. It wasn't that I never tried to make friends; I _did_ try. It's just that it's a bit hard for me to make friends. I'm a little on the shy side.

But the biggest reason I don't have many friend is because I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of other people or anything like that; I'm afraid that if I get too close to others, they'll find out my secret. I might as well write this now. You see, I'm a werewolf. And where I'm from, werewolves aren't treated that great. They're considered dark creatures and some people will even curse them on sight.

Lily worked it out all on her own in our third year. I was afraid she'd tell everyone and the Ministry would come in and take me away, but she didn't. Lily was raised by muggles, so she didn't even know about the prejudice against werewolves until I told her. She still stayed my friend and is keeping my secret, which I'm grateful for. My old friend Severus found out to and—well, I'd rather not go into that.

**7:00PM**

I used to find the sorting fascinating, but after a few years, it gets very boring. It's not like I have siblings or friends who are getting sorted, and I doubt I'm ever going to talk to the new Gryffindors, so why bother and watch it?

I was sitting next to Lily, who was busy talking to another one of her friends, Karen or something. There are times where I wonder why Lily became friends with me. She has so many other friends. Why would she want to hang out with the quiet guy who just sits in the corner and reads all the time? I don't ask her that in person, though. Just in case it makes her realize that she has better friends and leave me to my lonesomeness.

I got the strange feeling that someone was watching me. I looked around the table and found that someone _was_ watching me—more like three someone's actually: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, or the Marauders as they liked to call themselves.

Everyone knew who they were. James was the Gryffindor quidditch captain and supposedly the best player at school. I can't really clarify that for myself because I've never been all that fascinated by quidditch. Sirius Black was also on the team, but he was better known as Hogwarts' Heartthrob (I heard a few girls call him that). And then there was Peter Pettigrew who was, well, their friend. The Marauders were also my dorm mates. We've been living in the same room together since our first year.

To make a long story short, we don't really get along. They were loud and troublesome and loved pulling pranks and being the center of attention. I, on the other hand, was a prefect who always did what he was told and never got in trouble. Not to mention I hate attention. We were complete opposites.

But, why were they looking at me? They weren't planning on pulling a back to school prank on me, were they? I've been on the receiving end of some of their pranks before, and believe me when I say it's only funny if you are part of the audience. Of course, when Lily gave them a hard time about it, their answer was always the same: their target was Severus Snape, and I just happened to be with him at the time. I noticed they never tried to prank me or Severus when Lily was around. That probably had to do with the fact that James Potter has openly declared his love for her, which of course repulsed Lily.

**10:00 PM**

After what felt like forever, I was finally able to get back to my room. After dinner, I had to lead the first years to the tower and explain some things to them. It's all part of my duties as a prefect. Once I got to my dorm, I was greeted by silence. The Marauders were already there and unpacking, but they stopped as soon as I opened the window.

They wouldn't stop staring at me and I was sure I was as red as a tomato by then. I quickly unpacked my things and pulled the curtains around my bed so I wouldn't have to feel their eyes on me. why were they looking at me? They were looking at me during the welcome back feast, too. I was almost sure that they were planning something against me.

I could hear their voices while I tried to fall asleep. I couldn't make out what they were saying because they were keeping their voices low. I felt an urge to open my curtains and talk to them every time I heard them laughing. I wish I got along with them, but I just couldn't bring myself to even say hi to them. I just don't have those kinds of people skills.

Not to mention, Potter and Black were purebloods. It wouldn't take them long to work out what I was, especially Black, whose family has a bit of a reputation for dabbling in dark arts. And they aren't as caring and considerate as Lily. The only reason they haven't worked out what I was in the six years we've been living together is because they don't pay attention to me. I was a nobody to them. But I was sure that as soon as the found out, the Ministry would be dragging me out of school the very next morning. So I guess it's really for the best that I don't try to make friends with them. It's not like we'll ever see each other again after we leave this place anyway.

**Well, this idea came to me after reading the Confessions of Georgia Nicolson by Louise Rennison and Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot (LOL). How do you like it? I know it's a boring start but I do promise it'll get better. Please give feedback because it will help me improve the story to fit everyone's tastes **

**Suggestions & Reviews are Appreciated & Loved :]**


	2. Chapter 2

**September 02**

It was the first day of classes and just as luck would have it, I got Potions first thing in the morning. Potions was my worst subject. The only reason I even got into the N.E.W.T level class was because Lily and Severus helped me with the practical stuff. When it came to the essays and theories, I could do it without a problem, but I can never, for the life of me, brew a decent potion.

I looked over to the staff table and saw Professor Slughorn talking happily to Professor Mcgonagall. I swear I think the man gained another few pounds. I didn't think it was possible with how huge he already was. God, I hope I never get to be that huge.

**8:30 AM**

I should have never made that remark about Slughorn. Even if I didn't say it out loud, he must have known I insulted him somehow. Why else would he do this to me? I got paired up with Sirius Black of all people. Sirius Black! How the hell am I going to pass this class if Sirius Black is my partner for the entire year?

I was paired up with Lily at the start of class because he let us choose our partners. But Black and Potter were making too much noise and disturbing the class so he decided to split them up. And our potions class isn't that big, but there were still a lot of other people in the class that could have gotten paired up with him, but no, it was me.

I guess I should feel a bit bad for Lily. She got paired up with Potter, who has been trying to get with her every since our fourth year. Lily absolutely detests the guy (or so she says). I actually think she likes him back but just doesn't know it yet.

**8:45 AM**

Slughorn is spending the entire first day going over everything we'll be doing today. Of course, only a few students are actually paying attention to him. I tried, but I couldn't seem to focus. I wonder if I can get out of this class and take something else.

Sirius hadn't said a word to me. He just took a seat next to me after Slughorn told him to. I noticed James grinning at him and Sirius smiling back before shrugging. What did that mean? Sirius was writing in a piece of parchment and I doubt he's taking notes. I could see James writing in another piece of parchment from across the room. They were probably talking to each other with enchanted parchment. Oh crap, I just remembered how they kept looking at me funny all of yesterday. What if they try to pull a prank on me now? I mean, Sirius is sitting right next to me, it's the perfect opportunity. And the look they shared before Sirius came to sit next to me was strange, too. I need to stop thinking about this before I make myself paranoid.

I looked over at Sirius to see if he or James were eyeing me weirdly. He was too busy writing in his parchment to notice. You know, he doesn't look bad. He's actually quite good looking. Oh, did I forget to mention? I'm gay. Yes, that's right. I'm a socially awkward bloody gay werewolf. Life can't get any better than this, right?

I must have made someone really mad in a past life or something to end up with such a crappy life like this.

**10:00 PM**

The rest of my classes went well. It seems like the only problem I'll be having this year is in potions. Not only was I unable to make a simple potion without someone exploding but I had a partner I couldn't talk to. There was no way I was passing this class.

**September 03**, **8:00 AM**

We're working on our first potion today. Sirius doesn't look like he's going to talk to me any time soon and I _try_ to talk to him, but I can't get myself to talk to him. Why do I have to be so damn shy all the time?

Sirius volunteered to get the ingredients while I set up with cauldron. I was finished within a few minutes but Sirius still hadn't returned. He was probably talking to James or something. Oh god, I hope they don't do anything to me right now.

After what felt like forever, Sirius finally returned and placed all these items and jars on our work station. As I was organizing the stuff in the order we were supposed to put it in, someone bumped into my, causing me to knock over one of the jars and spill its contents. I looked up and saw the cold glare of Severus. I couldn't say anything so instead, I just started cleaning up the mess.

"What was that about?" Sirius asked.

"What do you mean?" I busied myself with putting the stuff back into the jar.

"The thing with Snape. Aren't you two friends? He looked at you like he would look at me or James."

"We had a bit of a disagreement," Well, more like I almost killed the guy. But I wasn't about to tell Sirius that.

"Well, he's a git anyway," Sirius helped me finish putting the ingredients in order. "I always wondered why a Gryffindor like you could hang around a slimy Slytherin like him."

**9:20AM**

We got through the class without my potion exploding or any pranks being pulled on me. And in the hour that we were working together, I learned some things about him:

He was funny. I know that a lot of people think he's funny with all the jokes and pranks that he pulls, but I never found them funny. I always thought they were pointless and immature; but then again, it could be because I was on the receiving end of those pranks a lot. But while we were waiting for the potion to simmer and all that other junk that potions do, we had nothing else to do but talk. Sirius can't stay quiet for long periods of time (That's another thing I learned). So he was left to talk to me since no one else was around. He made me laugh so many times.

Sirius was smart. I never would have guessed. He was always sleeping or talking to James in classes. You wouldn't think that he was smart with the way he was always goofing off. But while we were making the potion, he explained a few things to me and I knew enough to know that he really did know what he was talking about. Sure, he wasn't smart like Lily or myself (I'm not being cocky, just honest) but he was smart.

He doesn't hate me like I thought he does. I always used to think that he hated me because they've pulled pranks on me and insulted me a few times. But apparently, it wasn't me. It was because I was friends with Severus. I guess now that Severus hates me things will look up in that part.

He really is as gorgeous as all those girls have been saying. I knew he was attractive—anyone with eyes could see that. But I never hung around him long enough to notice more than that. Now that I've been within a foot of him for over an hour, I have to agree that Sirius _is_ the best looking guy in all of Hogwarts.

**September 07**

I think I've developed a bit of a crush on Sirius. During class, I find myself enjoying working with him and talking to me. Outside of class, I catch myself staring at him. Lily's caught me staring a few times already but she hasn't bothered me about it yet. And in the dorms, I try to sneak glances at him.

I really can't help it. Sirius is brilliant. He's everything I want in a guy. He's smart, funny, and really good looking (I wouldn't mind if he wasn't, but this was definitely a plus). I've caught myself in a few day dreams and fantasies about him. I mentioned it to Lily and she told me it was nothing more than a silly crush and that I could do so much better than him. She doesn't really like him that much. I think she just needs to get to know him a little more.

But I do hope Lily is right and this is just a passing crush. There is no way I could ever have anything with Sirius, or anyone for that matter. I'm destined to be alone forever. I know that's a sad life, but it's be alone forever or have the ministry take me away and lock me up for being a dark creature. I think I'd rather live by myself out in the open than live by myself locked in a small dark cell in Azkaban.

**Reviews are appreciated and loved =) **


	3. Chapter 3

September 15

The more I spent time with Sirius, the more I seemed to like him. I'm starting to worry. This passing crush is turning into something more and I _can't_ let that happen. The Black's are one of the oldest pure blood families out there. If I got closer to Sirius, then there's no doubt he'll figure out what I am in a matter of months. A monthly pattern of disappearing every full moon isn't exactly easy to hide. The only reason no one else but Lily worked it out was because no one paid attention to me. Maybe if I talked to him less during potions I won't as attracted to him.

But on the Brightside, they haven't pulled any pranks on me. I sometimes saw them looking my way and whispering to each other, but it was probably just my paranoia. If they were going to prank me, they'd do it soon right?

9:10AM

Trying not to talk to him isn't working out so well. I made it about five minutes into class before I broke down. Before I even know what I'm doing, I find myself talking to him. This isn't good.

On another note though, Lily is starting to fancy James Potter. Hah, I knew it. She hasn't come out and told me yet, but I've caught her staring at him a few times. They've been forced to work together because of the head boy head girl thing, not to mention she's paired up with him in potions. I think she's finally seeing him as someone other than the guy who always wanted to be the center of attention.

September 19

Today was the first full moon of the term. Thankfully it was a Friday. I wouldn't have to miss class tomorrow and have Sirius wonder where his partner went. I poked at my breakfast, dreading the classes ahead of me. I hate sitting through classes on the day of the full moon. It makes me feel like a caged animal and I have to fight the urge to run out of the room.

8:30AM

"What's wrong with you?" Sirius asked as he stirred the potion slowly. I watched the ugly muddy water start to turn a light blue color and fidgeted around a little. I've been in class for only half an hour and I already couldn't sit still. I went to gather ingredients just to walk around a little and spent twenty minutes moving around jars and materials just for something to do.

"Nothing," I answered, "I'm just feeling a little restless today."

"Did something happen with Snivellus or something?" Sirius asked, stopping to drop some stuff into the cauldron.

"What?" I took the jar back from Sirius and started rearranging all the stuff left on our table just so he wouldn't notice my hands shaking. "No, what makes you think that?"

"He's been glaring at you all class,"

I looked over my shoulder to where Severus was. He was busy with his potion but when he felt my eyes on him, he looked up at me and gave me the coldest glare he could muster. He probably knew it was a full moon day.

12:19PM

I've noticed Severus glaring at me periodically all throughout the morning. I sighed and tried to ignore it, but it was like I could feel his eyes boring holes into my back. He's never looked at me like that before. You might be wondering why Severus went from being one of my only friends to the guy who glared daggers at me all morning.

You see, I kept my lycanthropy from him. I wasn't too sure how he'd react. He may be my friend, but he's in Slytherin and they don't exactly like my kind; or anyone who wasn't a pureblood for that matter. Well, one full moon, he was walking around the doing his prefect duties, making sure no one was doing stuff in an empty classroom that they shouldn't be doing and all that kind of stuff.

Anyway, I thought I was being careful, but I guess I was just in a hurry to leave. The moon was about to rise and I was still in the castle because some first years got into some trouble. So I was in a hurry and Severus saw me. He saw me hurrying under the Whomping Willow and followed after me. Looking back, I wonder why I hadn't noticed him following me the entire way there.

By the time he reached the Shrieking Shack, I was just finishing up my transformation. He may have been rooted to the spot in shock or fear—I don't know which—because he didn't move in those few seconds that I was still transforming. But by the time the transformation was complete, the first scent I caught was of human and I leapt toward it. Poor Severus managed to run a few steps before I tackled him down.

I thought he was a goner for sure. But then the door bursts open and in comes Dumbledore. I have no idea how he knew Severus was in there but that man seems to know everything that's going on around the castle. If he came only a second later Severus would have died.

Severus was sworn to secrecy and he won't tell anyone about me. But of course that didn't stop him from hating me forever. Almost killing a person really is a friendship breaker.

1:07PM

History of magic must be the most boring class ever created. I'm starting to think that Professor Binns got bored to death by this subject and that's why he's a ghost I look around the room and saw that everyone was either asleep or doing something else. The only person who was even bothering to pay attention to his lecture was Lily. Usually, I'd be taking notes along with her to help myself stay awake, but I don't seem very up to it now.

If he doesn't notice all those loud snores, will he notice if I just got up and left? No one's really tried that before, or at least no one that I heard of. I heard laughing at the back and turned around. Sirius and James were hunched over a piece of paper and laughing at something. They were probably planning another prank.

I wasn't the only one glaring at them. A few seats to the left sat Severus. He was glaring at them, too. He must have felt me looking at him because he turned to me. He was looking at me with such intense hatred that I'm starting to find it hard to believe that he was one of my only friends the last six years. It's not like I _wanted_ to eat him. I just can't control myself when I transform.

I turned away from Severus and looked back to Sirius. Sirius was looking at me with a raised eyebrow. He had noticed my exchange with Severus. I just shrugged and gave him a small smile before turning back around and trying to listen to the lecture.

September 20

I woke up in the hospital wing with only a vague memory of what had happened last night. It was like a dream; the more you try to remember it, the more you forget. There was a small basket filled with some pastries, fruits, and a sandwich on the bedside table. Thank you, Lily. I reached for the sandwich and hungrily ate it. I had to skip dinner last night to get ready for the moon, and I was starving.

10:00AM

Once the nurse looked me over one last time, she said I was fine enough to leave. If I was lucky, the other guys in the dorm would still be asleep. They usually sleep in late on Saturdays. I made it all the way to the seventh floor and only passed a handful of people. They were even fewer people in the Gryffindor common room. I saw Lily on one of the couches reading a book. I went over and thanked her for the basket and hurried upstairs.

I opened the door slowly. I could hear a few snores coming from the room and stepped inside, silently closing the door behind me. I tiptoed over to my bed and put down what's left of my basket.

"Where were you last night?" I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned around and saw Sirius sitting up on his bed. He looked like he woke up not too long ago. He caught sight of my face and I thought I saw worry in his eyes. "Are you alright? You look pale. And, are those bandages on your arms?"

I pulled down the sleeves of my robes, hiding the bits of bandage that were showing. Sirius's eyes never left me. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!

"I was at the hospital wing last night," I answered after fidgeting around for a while.

"Why? And, why do you have bandages on?"

"I took a bad fall down some stairs," I hurriedly lied. After years of hiding my lycanthropy, I've actually become quite a good liar. I don't think that's something to boast about though.

"What? How?"

"I wasn't paying attention to where I was going," Sirius looked at me like I was crazy and I felt a blush coming on. I know it made me look very stupid, but it's better than telling him I turn into a blood thirsty wolf every month.

"If you say so," Sirius got off of his bed and made his way to the bathroom. I waited until the door closed before I plopped down on my bed. Sirius noticed that I was missing last night—fuck.


End file.
